Lately I feel like I just cant seem to catch up. I want to post so many things that are on my mind, (because it all just keeps adding up)but for what ever reason that I cannot comprehend, life keeps getting bigger. Or is it me? am I getting to slow to handle the many obstacles that keep piling up? I want to simplify and organize my life. I cant stand the clutter that has become my way of life. I like things to be neat and orderly, but every where I look there is another pile of crap that needs taking care of. Every day the house needs its basic cleaning, and that takes a couple of hours. Basics are dishes, laundry, floors and general picking up of toys and school papers and whatever else is lying around. I have to plan for meals, school functions, and cut coupons and make grocery lists. Pay bills when needed and balance the budget. Once that is all done, I have to work on the other pressing needs. Cleaning kidsapos; rooms because for some reason they have no idea how to get off thier butts and do anything. I ask them to clean, I tell them to clean, I get angry because they dont clean. They always find something else to do. Daltyn has made the PS3 his girlfriend, Devyn is always hogging up the PC or the PS2, Jenna has her nose buried in a book (which is fine, but she gets hooked and will read when she is supposed to be sleeping, and an 11 year old needs her sleep) or Jenna is playing gamecube or her DS, or on my mac. Hannah at least goes outside, and she can also be seen on the Wii or her DS or on my computer too.
During the day before the older turd heads get home form school, I have to entertain a two year old who is half demon. Plus I want to find time to do things I enjoy.. Read, write, crochet, sew, video games, movies. I probably get about an hour of free time during the day. One hour to try and regain my sanity.
Once the kids come home, there is fighting and screaming and yelling and all of a sudden all the work I have done throughout the day has been undone. Yay. And then Rich comes home and more chaos ensues. What the hell was I thinking all those years ago when I decided this was the life for me? Now I find myself wanting to hide from the world and all who inhabit it just to try and not lose my mind. My social skills are going into the toilet. I find myself no longer with the patience to be polite to others, my sense of humor getting lost in the commotion that surrounds me. No longer known as Jayme or my inner personality Haruka.... But I am just known as mom or woman. I like being a mom.... But I dont like changing myself to fit everyone else. I dont like losing my personality. I dont want to leave my house lately because I feel so ugly inside and out... And empty in a way. How do I find my personality again? Why does it seem like things are more difficult now than they were a year ago? Why do I feel like such a grown-up? Its good to be grown-up, but I still want to be fun. I dont mean going out and drinking so much I throw up everywhere... Thats just stupid and dangerous. Okay well I ranted enough about my personality loss. Hopefully one day I will get back to life.
~Meow
floating dollar sign, floating dollar sign excel, floating dollar trick, floating dollar trick free.
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